Change comes from within

I distinctly remember placing myself onto my therapist’s cozy sofa thinking that with every word I utter I was slowly transferring my problems and worries onto her plate. Sometimes, we make the mistake of presuming our therapists are God-like, begging them for solutions to our problems and waiting for them to fix us. But session after session, to our surprise, we come to realize that the solution was trapped within ourselves from the get-go. We just had to unravel what was preventing us from unleashing that potential within us.

If I could concisely sum up therapy in a nutshell, I would say it’s character building. Therapists don’t fix people’s lives, they enable them. They help them understand triggers, channel unhealthy habits into healthier avenues, discover defense mechanisms, analyze the root of personal worries, realize their potential, and open their eyes to see the world in a broader perspective, thus giving YOU the strength to fix your own life.

As a worshipper of God, I have found therapy to be one of the most powerful things that brings me closer to Him. When I understand my self, my thought processes and my psychology, it inevitably leads me back to Him, my Fashioner, the One who molded and designed me in this form.

A famous psychologist once noted: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This quote aligns with the famous verse in the Quran that affirms that change comes from within. The power to rise above the corruption around us lies within our very own selves. We simply have to seek it, be conscious of it, and use that God-given window of space for growth to the betterment of ourselves and humanity around us.

If you or a loved one are hesitant about therapy, I urge you not to imprison yourself in the false ideology that therapy isn’t necessary. Each and every one of us can and will benefit from analyzing who we are at our core and releasing the chains that hold us down from growth. Get to know yourself, know the God who created you, and you will begin to appreciate the intricacies that form you, and recognize your vast potential. Therapy will not only help you become more confident in your own creation, but a better servant to the Creator of creations. 

Spreading of mercy

Here I am waiting for the sun to finally rise, waiting for the rain to finally pour and remove the drought within. I’m coming to you God with full brokenness. This is me, this is who I am. I’m in need and I’m at your door begging for your help. I’m down so pick me up. I’m poor so enrich me. I’m unfulfilled so fulfill me. I’m alone so give me company. I’m exposed so cover me. I’m hopeless so give me hope.

It’s at this point in my thoughts that I hear the Quran reciter on TV recite a verse I’m familiar with, but today it struck a major chord with me.

وَهُوَ الَّذِي يُنَزِّلُ الْغَيْثَ مِن بَعْدِ مَا قَنَطُوا وَيَنشُرُ رَحْمَتَهُ وَهُوَ الْوَلِيُّ الْحَمِيدُ
“And He is the one who sends down the rain after they lost all hope for it, and He spreads His mercy far and wide, and He is the One to rely on, the One worthy of praise.”

This verse this morning was like a sudden breeze in a time of extreme heat. I’m reminded that in my brokenness is hope. In my loss of that hope is a spreading of His immense mercy, for He alone is the best One to rely on. At the end of the day, who but He can send down the rain? 

Letting go

How many of us need to let go of something? Let go of past hurt and pain, of chains holding us down, or grudges that have been weighing on us for so long, too long?

I imagine a person up 12,000 feet in the sky grounded on a plane about to do their first skydive. The hardest part could be letting go of the stable ground on that plane. But the minute they let go, they are set off to an amazing journey; diving with clouds, flying with birds, and enabling their body to partake in one of the most breathtaking out-of-this-world experiences.

It is important to ask what helped that person let go? It came with immense preparation. It wasn’t a blind fall, but rather a carefully and strategically planned undertaking. The wind was studied and the necessary equipment was given. It is these vital tools that helped the one diving finally let go.

It comes without question that the fear of letting go can be one of the most debilitating. But that debilitation is only preventing you from the most beautiful embarking of your life. Thus, without that preparation, the fear of letting go can easily turn into an endless constraint.

So when you are fearful and stuck, seek those fundamental preparations. Study the wind, build your parachute, and prepare for your flight.

To sum it up, stop worrying about letting go. Prepare for landing. 

Walduha

If every dark night was carefully gift wrapped and the unwrapping of the paper granted us the shining sun every morning, how much more grateful would we be for that light? If you’re in the phase of darkness right now, {breathe} and be certain that the gift is in the process of being wrapped. God has not abandoned you. You will unwrap that darkness and enter into the shining world of light.
(Late night inspirations from Surah Alduha, chapter 93 in the Quran)

The Intruder

Within seconds, a conference hall of over 1,000 people quickly turned into a quiet meditation room for a whole therapeutic fifteen minutes. At the flip of a switch, the hall went from a place of chatter and lectures to pure pin-drop silence. This large room that had served as a conference hall for the past 24 hours had now become a place of deep reflection, like a sanctuary. Strangers who sat next to each other on chairs were now side by side on the ground, forming circles around the stage. The speakers themselves went down on their knees, doing the same. All in unison, we closed our eyes and drew our heads toward our chests. The speaker calmly asked us to imagine looking into our hearts. What is currently occupying our hearts? How can we filter out any worldly distractions in our hearts? Where does God fall in place? How can we make God the center of our thoughts and actions?

Here was each and every one of us in the room, people who had flown for hours to get here, people who left their families for a spiritual retreat, all on different journeys but in this moment, united by our thoughts of God’s remembrance, joined by a process of spiritual healing.

Overtaken by the power of mindfulness, I forgot where I was, but not for a moment did I forget where I belonged: with Him, Our Creator and Sustainer who fashioned the very heart I was contemplating. For years, I had worried about the intrusion of death, which strips you away from all people meaningful in your life. But for once, I was comforted by the thought of being stripped away from everything but what truly mattered: my presence with God. I imagined myself in my grave, hearing the voices of loved ones around me but not wanting to engage; leave me be, I am rejoicing with my Creator.

Before the fifteen minutes were over, which felt like a lifetime of removing the dirt within, I couldn’t help but reflect on the Day of Judgment. Would it be this quiet and peaceful? My wonder took me places until the speaker stood up, and the silence was overtaken by chatter and the true intruder: life.

Breaking through

When a grieving man broke down while describing the death of his son to his therapist in a book I’m reading, she assured him that he wasn’t breaking down, but rather breaking open. It dawned on me that when we break down to God in our loneliness, we often presume that we are simply being vulnerable and showing Him our pure reliance on Him, but more than that is how that vulnerability becomes the key for change and acceptance. In that breaking down of our worries and hardships is a breaking open and unleashing of those very same worries and hardships. Never mistake your brokenness for weakness. On the contrary, it’s a tool for healing and progression.

This concept reminded me of something my uncle once told me:
‏الإلحاح على البشر من أسباب الإهانة والإلحاح على رب البشر من أسباب الإجابة
“Being insistent on people is a reason for humiliation while being insistent on the Lord of the people is a reason for acceptance.”

When we break down to God, we’re essentially breaking through. 

Consistency is Key

Like pieces puzzling together, I often catch myself trying to find studies in science and psychology and extract similar concepts from religious scripture. Though we are believers in God first and foremost, our tendency is to legitimize scripture through those studies, and not the opposite. We like to confirm God’s words only after science proves it, when God doesn’t need that proof to begin with. At the end of the day, I believe it’s a struggle we can all have including myself more often than not.

Today I caught myself in a similar dilemma. I scrolled through a book written by a neuroscientist where she proved through research that performing a certain activity to overcome anxiety for a few minutes every day is better than doing it for a much longer period of time at once. I immediately remembered our beloved prophet’s words which I often only attribute to religious practices. But today for the first time I saw its ability to play out in broader forms, including overcoming my own anxieties and fears. 

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon Him said, “The most beloved deeds to God are the ones that are most consistent, even if small.” (أحَبّ الأعمال إلى الله أدومها وإن قلّ)

Discovering this saying in a scientific book about overcoming our deepest fears was exceptionally humbling to say the least. Consistency is key. I knew that, but suddenly today I am more prone to apply it. Why? Because science proved it. 

I pray that we as a community can take the gems of advice that God and our prophet have laid out for us and use them as tools to help us build our character, ease our hardships, and remove our fears, with full conviction that their advice is both scientifically and morally evident. Consistency is key.